A Moment of Silence
November 24, 2015 - table lamp
As we lay and form these words, my home feels quiet. My daughter and father have stepped out on an errand, my son is asleep in my bedroom. The customarily sound we can hear is a on again, off again snore of a English bulldog, Bubbles, as she also naps and dreams. we am celebration a crater of comfortable H2O with ginger, lemon, and honey. The room is darkened with a difference of a soothing heat of a list flare subsequent to me. The universe outward gradually dims to a grey dusk.
These days, we value still moments. we have to find them out, in between a noisy sounds of children personification and screaming, dogs barking, phones toll and beeping. There is a inner sound of thoughts and emotions and using commentary. These sounds in their possess ways are important. we am sanctified that my home is full, that there is life and vitality. There is a resting dilemma of awareness, that one day we will demeanour behind and wish for these noises again.
And yet, in sequence to keep my core in a midst of activity and volume, we contingency emanate islands of waste and still too. we don’t remember always feeling this approach in my 20s, when my unique shortcoming was myself, studying, and removing by medical propagandize and residency. we had lots of time to myself, in LA trade jams, and erratic a hallways of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in a center of waste call nights.
Now, with children, patients, a use to manage, unique time contingency be combined and cultivated. This has developed into a daily contemplative practice, that customarily book-ends my day. In a early mornings, we meditate. Sometimes 5 minutes, infrequently twenty minutes. Sitting in a dim of my sleeping home, with a comfortable sweeping opposite my path and dogs during my feet, we simply breathe, and know that we am breathing. And from there, we try to write or form a few pages of giveaway issuing journaling, to recover whatever rose to recognition during my meditation, a excess of a night’s sleep, a tasks and anxieties of a day ahead. There is a clearing of my mind that occurs, a feeling that we have respected myself and my needs before holding on a world. Occasionally we will set an goal for my day, if it feels right.
At night, we take a few moments to review what we had created during those morning pages, and infrequently we can hardly remember. It mostly feels like a lifetime has passed. we jot down a few some-more difference to routine a day, and afterwards come to a impulse of gratitude. we write down what we feel grateful for. Of course, there are a consistent, daily remembrances of my health, my family, my friends, my work. But we try to move onward a tiny things too… my morning crater of coffee, a humorous fun that we heard, a studious who incited a corner, a extemporaneous cuddle from my children. we try to feel a thankfulness in my bones, in my breath, let a regard take over me.
These daily practices, maybe no some-more than 20-30 mins of my time, have spin a anchors of my day. They are a moments in that we cater myself, and they are a moments in that we step behind and favour an recognition of who we am and a universe within me and outward of me. And in between, infrequently we can reconnect with those soothing threads of care and recognition as we go about vital my life… a tiny reduction reactive, a tiny some-more present.
In a day to day work of psychiatry, parenting, and only vital in this world, we feel like we am mostly impressed by a mishap and disharmony that exists. It is roughly too most to bear. Moments of thoughtfulness and still might not change a world, though we am not certain how else to start. Perhaps all we can do is emanate an event to try and be still and make clarity of it all. Perhaps we can emanate a postponement before we pronounce or act or mistreat others in tiny or large ways.
So today, and in a week ahead, we entice we to join me in formulating moments to find a larger recognition of ourselves. It need not take lots of time, though simply an goal to spin central and reflect. Let’s urge that this translates into a larger appetite of assent and compassion.
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