Neil Offen: It was a really good year … we think
December 28, 2014 - table lamp
It was a year to remember, and we wish we could. we know we put it somewhere. And I’m flattering certain we had it when we walked into a room, if we could only remember that room we walked into.
Then again, it’s probable we left it in a car.
There’s a chance, too, that it’s somewhere in a desk, dark underneath a 2009 word profits we pronounced we would record by 2012.
In any case, while we might not remember a whole year precisely, we am certain we do remember My Top 10 Accomplishments for 2014. They were a highlights, a high points, and they had a vicious advantage of not function in 2013.
Here they are:
1). we never used a word “dude” in a sentence.
2). we put together a do-it-yourself building flare all by myself, solely for a fact a flare didn’t work and there were 3 screws and dual bolts left over that are still in a box.
(Three months later, a building flare still works as good as it did during a beginning, as prolonged as we don’t need many light or glance too closely during a behind right partial of a flare where we can see a screws adhering out.)
3). On May 17, we finally remembered a name of a man that we ran into in a potato chip line of a supermarket on Feb. 6.
On that same date, we also set a record for longest review in a potato chip line while avoiding regulating a name of a chairman we was carrying a review with.
4). During a whole month of March, we didn’t harm my back. Not once. we roughly done it by September, as well, if we hadn’t attempted to pierce a new building flare so we couldn’t see a screws adhering out.
5). we altered all my mechanism passwords. To yield confidence and forestall hacking and temperament theft, we combined a new identity. While that temperament was 7 inches taller and a Nobel Peace Prize winner, it also couldn’t remember passwords. So we combined passwords that were totally capricious and enclosed a black #$%^*.
Or maybe *^%$#.
6). we wrote down many of my new mechanism passwords. Unfortunately, we wrote them down on a mechanism comment that we indispensable a cue to access.
7). we set a East Coast record for longest time remaining on my to-do list with equipment series 8, 17 and 26. Item 41 was strictly named to a To-Do List Hall of Fame.
8). we found my wallet after we was certain we left it on a grill list and blamed my mother for not reminding me that we left it on a grill table. It incited out, a wallet was in my pocket, and we blamed my slot for not reminding me it was there.
9). Not once did we use an emoticon in an e-mail or text.
10). we finally figured out what LOL means. Ha!
Neil Offen can be reached during firstname.lastname@example.org.