Why 2016s Hopefuls Are Hopeless

November 23, 2014 - table lamp


Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren

She of a Native American ancestry.


As good we competence ask. But if she gets her possess casino it will be a fund-raising plus.

Senator Warren taught during Harvard and is an consultant in failure law, so she has copiousness of approach connectors to a smarty-pants Ivy Leaguers who busted a U.S. economy.

As a minority and a lady and a politician who chased Scott Brown over a state line into New Hampshire, display purify loyalist Republicans where to hang their glutes, Senator Warren is a get-out-the-vote triple hazard for a Dems.

She masterminded a Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, that is given we Americans feel so financially stable these days and are going out and immoderate like heck. (U.S. consumer spending rose .4% in June!)

And Senator Warren is over on a left—the customarily instruction given by a special GPS section commissioned in a Prius that a vegan aroma therapist Democratic primary voter drives.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary retains an iron hold on second place for a Democratic presidential nomination. And whoever is out in front of her is so distant out in front that we don’t know who it is.

Hillary—former this, former that, and former a other thing (during her husband’s merriment with Monica Lewinsky).

She carries some-more container than a Boeing 757 she used as Secretary of State, visiting each republic in a universe that would after blow adult or tumble to pieces in her query to perform a primary goal of a Secretary of State, that is to amass visit navigator miles.

But, on a upside, she is already informed with a White House—knows where a additional toilet paper is stored and where a gangling pivotal to a nuke conflict briefcase is dark (Truman Balcony, behind second post from a right).

And design a hazard of Bill campaigning for her to be overcome: a ex-First lady has softened her aim with candy dishes, china figurines, and list lamps.

Vice President Joe Biden

Joe on Barack Obama: “I mean, we got a initial mainstream African-American who is clear and splendid and purify and a nice-looking guy. we mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Joe on diversity: “In Delaware, a largest expansion of race is Indian Americans, relocating from India. You can't go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless we have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.”

Joe on a Economic Stimulus Package: “If we do all right, if we do it with comprehensive certainty, there’s still a thirty percent possibility we’re going to get it wrong.”

Joe, to a President, on a Affordable Care Act: “This is a large fucking deal.”

Joe serve expressing his faith in a Affordable Care Act: “I’m told Chuck Graham, state senator is here. Stand adult Chuck, let ‘em see you.” (Former Missouri State Senator Chuck Graham is paraplegic and cramped to a wheelchair.)

Joe on President Obama’s unfamiliar policy: “Remember, we pronounced it station here, if we don’t remember anything else we said. Watch, were going to have an general crisis, a generated crisis, to exam a eagerness of this guy.”

Joe on building bridges to a opposition: “Hillary Clinton is as competent or some-more competent than we am to be Vice President of a United States.”

Has anyone ever oral for a common male a approach Joe does?

Former Vice President Al Gore

Another Dem who has been only a heart-beat (or a flare bash) divided from being president.

And like a stream boss he won a Nobel Peace Prize for… I’ll get behind to we on that.

Al has bipartisan appeal. He dumped Tipper, his mother of 40 years. Well—off Republicans do that all a time.

And a Middle East process is in good hands with Al. He sole his meaningless Current TV wire network to Al Jazeera for $500 million. Al knows how to understanding with these people.

Former Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius

“Honesty is a best policy.”

Voters aren’t dummies. They know supervision doesn’t work. Why run a claimant who lies about creation supervision work improved when you’ve got a claimant who’s already proven she can make supervision work worse?

Secretary Sebelius is truthful. After a catastrophic roll-out of Obamacare in 2013, she told a public, “You merit better. we apologize.” As a impulse of domestic fairness it’s not adult there with former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s “I was dipsomaniac and smoking crack.” But it’s some-more honest than what we customarily hear from politicians.

And carrying been administrator of Kansas should give her a leg adult in a Iowa Caucuses given nobody, including residents of Kansas and Iowa, can tell Iowa and Kansas apart.


New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

After his Oct. 29th confront with a heckler, Governor Christie is behind in a GOP primary lead with 2016’s tip fender sticker, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

Political pundits explain Christie-style won’t play west of a Jersey Shore or north of a GW Bridge. These pundits were lifted by pot-smoking singular moms and went to Montessori schools.

“Sit down and close up” was how all critical family discussions began and finished where a rest of America grew up. It’s been years given America’s “family of voters” has listened such a obvious matter of unfamiliar and domestic process goals.

Meanwhile, ostensible Christie career-ender “Bridgegate”? Fugeddaboutit. The rest of a republic was, like, “New Jersey has traffic jams? Next you’ll be revelation me New Jersey has domestic corruption.”

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul

Worry-wart Country Club Republicans say, “How about his father?” we say, “How about his father!” Ron Paul gives Rand Paul a populist touch, something for Rand to have in common with all voters, Republicans, Democrats, and Independents. Because everybody’s father spouts off like that, parked in a Barcalounger examination too most Fox News. Rand feels a pain.

Rand Paul will also pierce to a Oval Office libertarian beliefs of particular dignity, particular freedom, and particular responsibility. we feel we can trust him. That is, we feel we can trust him to keep silent about carrying principles—especially a final one—until after he’s inaugurated or maybe longer.

Sadly, Rand does not pierce most in a approach of farrago to a GOP ticket. He’ll need a right VP choice. All points look-out for a transgender Republican!

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal

But who says Republicans aren’t diverse?

Bobby’s (legal!) newcomer father is an engineer. His newcomer mom complicated chief physics. To counterfeit Joe Biden, “You can't go to a university engineering dialect or a production dialect unless we have a slight Indian accent.”

Governor Jindal responded so fast and energetically to Louisiana’s 2008 Hurricane Gustav that nobody even remembers Gustav’s name anymore. An intent doctrine in how to hoop Hurricane Putin.

Jindal did infer to be a bit of a mumble-tongue in his 2009 central Republican response to President Obama’s residence to a corner event of Congress. But what Republican other than Ronald Reagan has ever been a “Great Communicator”? Sit down and close up.

Governor Jindal seems like a good guy, intelligent, reasonable. He could, as a fallback, partner good with Big Squish-Em, Dis-Em Chris. This would be profitable in such things as those addresses to corner sessions of Congress.

Vice President Jindal: “Here is a good, intelligent, and reasonable devise for legislative action.”

President Christie: “Sit down and close up.”

Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush

He’s got everything.

He’s immature (for a Republican), only 61.

He was a Phi Beta Kappa during a University of Texas. Hook ‘Em, Horns!

He was a successful businessman.

And a successful two-term Governor of a state where a balloting insufficiency and insanity is positively critical to a GOP.

He’s smooth in Spanish. His mother is Hispanic. His children are too! He’s certain to move, temporarily, from Coral Gables to Houston so he can select associate Floridian Marco Rubio as his using mate. Kiss a Latino opinion goodbye, Democrats.

John Ellis Bush has only one problem. Perhaps we can take a “Bush-league” theory what it is. But don’t worry. Jeb is all set to legally change his name to “Scott Walker.”

Michele Bachmann/Sarah Palin

“Booty and Bullets”

How prolonged has it been given a Republican Party had a smoking prohibited presidential ticket?

Warren “Hunky” Harding and Cal “Cool” Coolidge in 1920?

Sure, Bachmann and Palin are crazy. But 42.9 million Americans over age 18 humour some form of mental illness. That’s 30 percent of a renouned opinion right there.

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